Relationships: My Frenemy And Me

I cam across this article written by popular media personality Liz Yemoja for Genevieve Magazine. I could relate so much that I felt it essential to share with you all. 

So what is a 'Frenemy'?

A "Frenemy" is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy pretending to be a friend or someone who really is a friend but is also a rival.

Liz's experience:
Back in London, I had this ‘friend’ who seemed to be there for me more than anyone else. She seemed to have my best interest at heart… She was always there, always eager to help. She spoiled me with gifts, she fought my battles. She would be the first person to let me know if there was any thing she heard about me that didn’t paint me in the brightest light, and would assure me she set the culprits straight. Yet, she was also secretly killing me.  I’m very glad that I encountered my first frenemy earlier on in life, because boy did it open my eyes.  She just seemed from the outside to be the perfect friend, but the warning signs were there if only I had just looked for them.

She knew some of the challenges I faced day to day and it seemed that she began to dwell  on them in our conversations. I began to feel that she was more interested in reminding me of my difficulties than in celebrating my victories.  On one particular occasion, I remember my boyfriend at the time had bought me shoes, which I happily showed to her, she was quick to tell me they were nice, but ‘why are they a sale item’, she yelled, feigning concern.
‘He is always buying himself the best full price designer items, but none of that for you’. She slowly began to plant the seed into my mind that ‘he doesn’t really place you on a high pedestal’; she said all this whilst trying to come across as the good Samaritan.

The relationship became so toxic, I had to end it for my own sanity. And to be honest, I have even come to thank God for placing my frenemies in my path. I’ve come to see that there was a reason for this too. He uses them to refine and define us.

Some of us have friends who are secretly enemies; how do you spot a frenemy?

Below I share a few pointers on how to spot a frenemy, it’s by no means a comprehensive list though…

1)   Frenemies often crave intimacy in relationships and want to be your only bestie . They see everyone else trying to get close to you as a rival, they want to be the only one you turn to.  ( Real friends understand that building a great relationship takes time)

2)   They will always come across as ‘friends’, because they are so friendly and on the surface look generous (with time, material things, everything). They will come across as concerned, wanting to know about you and what’s going on in your life so they can use it against you.

3)   Criticism given as humour – They love to put you down, ‘Liz you’re so pretty, the only thing wrong with you is this your weight that you’ve been battling with’. Putting you down but never really sitting down with you to get a solution to the things they ‘call you out on, a real friend would’.

4)   Feeding on negative information  – They are first to dig up any dirt on you whilst playing the role of agony aunt and giving you their shoulder to cry on.

5)   A frenemy isnt routing for your success. Even if you’re successful, they will try to make you feel miserable in your success. This will eventually take the form of passive-aggressive resistance or outright sabotage.


My frenemy turned me a little paranoid, I have to admit. I've become so weary of people and I have to say it has affected the kinds of friendships I've been able to forge ever since. My patience levels have plummeted and I don’t entertain anyone who even remotely displays any bit of behavior that I deem to be ‘suspect’ . I am constantly pushing people away, not letting them come close to me so that I avoid getting burnt. I have a very small tight circle of friends, and the rest are just casual friends. True loyal friends are rare.

You don’t need to go to the extreme lengths that I’ve gone to, you can still have healthy and balanced relationships with people. There are still good people out there, its just you have to shine your eye to set the ones who have your best interest at heart apart from the ones who don’t.

Written by

Liz Yemoja for Genevive Magazine

Whilst reading Liz's story I found myself relating to many aspects of the behaviour of such a 'friend'. The most sensible thing you can do when faced with this kind of friendship is walk away. 

You wouldn't accept it in a romantic relationship so why accept in in a friendship. If you continue to entertain such a person you will come to regret that decision along the line. A confrontation isn't necessary, just keep your distance and choose to move on!