From what I have gathered so far in my course of counseling, I can authoritatively say that some men are mean and heartless.
Why marry a woman just to destroy her life and future? That woman was working before you met her. She was running her own business before you met her. She had that big dream of going to school and becoming useful to herself before you took her. The most pathetic thing here is that majority of ladies in this condition got married to these men as virgins. Some of them are now regretting, asking why they kept themselves if that is all they can get out of it.
If you knew you are one of those men with very low self-esteem, why did you get married to her in the first place? You should have settled for a girl frying akara (bean cake) or roasting corn by the road side.
I am more surprised when I know that a good number of these guys are educated (reason why I always say that there are so many educated illiterates out there). Some of them are doctors, lawyers, managers in big firms, and professors. You spent 4-7 years in school and couldn’t deal with your self-esteem? What a failure!
You go out there admiring your female colleagues and business partners. Do you think they will be there if they have a husband like you? You admire their strength and courage, you wish to have someone like them (in your discussions with them). Some of you even send me messages wishing to have a wife like Amara and regretting about the “Dundee” you have at home. What makes you think Amara is better? I was in that very situation as your wife. I was made to feel worthless and useless.
I was made to see myself as the most useless person on earth who knows nothing else except church. I almost got destroyed because I was beginning to see myself as a good-for-nothing.
I got to the point where I could no longer relate with people; couldn’t look straight to their faces when I speak with them. I was battered psychologically, emotionally and physically. Thank God He got me out of that pit and with the help of a real man, I got my self-esteem back and here I am today. Please don’t send me such messages again because it is your own wickedness and failure that have left your wife where she is today. Every woman is great with potentials and it takes only a real man to draw it out.
A lady came to me in tears narrating how her husband will give money to his girlfriends to buy food items for her to cook. What a way to humiliate a woman. Another woman buying foodstuff for your wife without her consent?
I know you must have heard stories of women cheating and having extra marital affairs. I know your useless friends who you hang out with have told you not to let her be to avoid her seeing the atrocities you commit. I know you sleep with other people’s wives and so you wouldn’t want to risk losing your own wife to your likes. I know you messed a lot of ladies up and as you know, “ogbu nma anaghi ekwe ka nma gaa ya na azu” (he who kills by the sword does not allow sword pass by him).
Keeping your wife useless at home can only help to limit your children.
Our pastors are not free from this. You don’t let the poor woman have peace at home. You keep comparing her with Deaconess Ngozi, Yemisi, and Binta. You love and appreciate that chorister more than your wife. Sir, do you know what her husband goes through at home? You go about with them in the name of church worker and keep your wife at home. Your sin shall find you out someday.
Wake up man and do the right thing.
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